Christmas frenzy
by Sjur
Summary: Yet again, Christmas is upon us, and our lovely RE cast decides it's time for their annual Christmas shopping. But, knowing our beloved characters, things are bound to get a little crazy. Madness ensues. Please R&R. And feel free to correct my grammar. :
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters portrayed in this story. Those are properties of Capcom.

* * *

Claire pulled at the covers which were wrapped around her boyfriend's sleeping form. "Leon, get up, damn you! We have to go shopping, before rush hour dawns upon us." 

"Hmm...yes, Claire...You look sexy in that nightelf costume", Leon grumbled, half asleep.

Claire's eyes widened. "What was that?", she inquired, disgusted at his enunciation.

Leon, realizing what he had just said out loud, blurted out the first thing that came to mind. "It's all Chris' fault. He made me play World of Warcraft with him all night".

"Hmph. Yeeah, right", Claire scoffed. "Now get dressed. We don't have much time", she commanded, adding a "and that's not happening" as a reference to his freudian slip of mind.

"What's the rush, Claire?". Leon jumped out of bed, and walked over to his wardrobe. He opened the doors and started to rummage through the miscellaneous clothing articles that were bunched up in a horrible mess at the bottom of the wardrobe. Truth be told, he had never been one to care about keeping his clothing neat and tidy.

"I already told you, we have to be at the mall before the rushtraffic settles in", she replied hastily, fumbling through the drawers of her nightstand in search of the car-keys.

Leon turned around to face Claire. "What do you think of this one?" he prompted and showed her a red shirt with black stripes covering it.

Claire burst out laughing. "Are you serious?", she asked between punctuated fits of laughter. Leon Scott Kennedy had always been a bad dresser, but this was a bit too much for Claire to handle. When she realized he was actually being genuinely serious, she stifled her laugh, straightened up, and proclaimed; "Absolutely not, Leon. You're not going out with that...that...thing..on you", she chimed, and pointed her finger at his shirt to emphazise her point. "I will not have it!"

"Ok, ok," Leon replied somewhat dumbfounded. "Geez, you don't have to get your panties in a bunch."

"Oh, get bent, Leon...and hurry up", Claire exclaimed before making her way downstairs.

"Like you're such a good dresser", Leon muttered after her. He put his red and black shirt on, and glanced at the reflection of himself in the mirror. "I think it looks rather good on me", he pouted.

* * *

"See, Leon. I told you this would happen", Claire fumed as their car made its way down the highway at one inch an hour.

"Oh, right. Like it's my fault now. It was you who couldn't locate the carkeys."

Claire let go of the steering wheel with her right hand, and smacked it into Leon's shoulder.

"Ow, what was that for?", Leon asked, rubbing his shoulder.

"I had to resort to punching you, because I did not have a good comeback for what you just said", Claire mumbled grievously, but had to stifle a laugh when she saw Leon's amused face.

"Damn you. You have, even after all these years, a genuine ability to make me laugh."

"Always glad to be of service", Leon saluted and gave a little bow, which earned another, this time a bit more playful punch from Claire.

"Shut it! Do not disturb the driver!" she giggled.

Leon let a mild chuckle escape his lips. "Oh, well. If my right to utter my thoughts has been withdrawn, a little music will have to do to lighten the mood a little", he grinned and turned on the radio. A soft flow of music erupted from the radio as soon as Leon switched it on. Leon, deciding this was a bit too easy on the ears for him, was just about to switch the station when Claire interrupted him.

"Oh, no. Don't you dare change it", Claire demanded and started singing along to the soothing sounds of "Unintened" by Muse.

Leon cringed in pain at the nasal tones that were now protruding from Claire's surprisingly strong throat. "You got to be kidding me", he grumbled and put his hands over his ears.

"Oh, look!" Claire exclaimed happily. "It looks like the trafficjam is dissolving."

Leon mused. "Well, that might have something to do with the lament that is erupting from your throat at the moment". He didn't have time to react before Claire's fist hit him in the abdomen.

* * *

"So, what are we doing today?", Chris Redfield asked as his fiancée, Jill Valentine, hung up the phone. 

"Well, I just talked to Becca. She said Leon and Claire are on their way to the mall".

Chris cringed at that last word. He hated shopping malls. It had been a phobia of his as long as he could remember. Even as a kid he strived with it. What was it called now again...enochlophobia? Wasn't that what his doctor had called it? From that point on, Chris knew he was in for one heck of a day. And not in the good way, that was for certain.

"Jill, you know how much I hate malls". He tried to keep his cool about the subject, but faltered a little. And he just knew Jill picked up on it. She had a way of knowing when he was at his weakest. It was both a device of nuisance and of comfort to him that she could read him so easily.

"Oh, I know, sweety", she said affectionately, putting her hand on his cheek. "You don't have to come if you don't want to."

Chris snorted. "Like hell I'm leaving Claire and Leon unattended. God knows what those two could be capable of if left to their own devices."

Jill giggled, and gave Chris a peck on the cheek. "Great. Then help me find my shopping list. I know I left it around here somewhere."

* * *

Rebecca tilted hear head and gazed at the sleeping form of her roommate, Carlos Oliveira. To her, it was quite amazing how he managed to sleep for such an extended period of time. He had to have been out for at least twelve hours now, if not more.Deciding his wakeup-call was long overdue, she placed her hands on his back and shook him vigorously. "Waaaake uuup", she sing-sang loudly into his ears. 

Carlos swatted his hand through the air in front of his face. "All right, all right, I'm awake", he grumbled wearily, hoisting his body up into a sitting positon. "Geez, chica, are you trying to blow up my eardrums?", he asked, rubbing his sore eyes.

Rebecca put on a half surprised, half insulted face. "Was I really that bad?", she inquired, puckering her lips, and glared at him with her very best puppydog-eyes.

"Stop it. Don't look at me like that", Carlos muttered while massaging his temples. He was still a bit hungover from last night, and was trying to remember what had actually happened. It had been the usual gang out on town on the occasion of Leon's birthday, but strangely he couldn't remember much else than the gist of it. His eyes widened in shock when it all came crashing back to him. He raised his hand and pointed at Rebecca. "You...did you actually outdrink me?", he asked in utter horror.

"Haha, so you actually remember our little competition." Rebecca crossed her hands under her breasts. "Yes, you actually gave in quite early. Just like a little g-i-r-l", she mocked, enunciating the last syllable to emphazise her point.

Carlos covered his face in his hands. "Oh, Dios mío. Please God, no. Let this all be a dream.", he prayed, rocking his body back and forth on the floor.

Rebecca giggled impishly at the pathetic scene before her. Just as she was about to make his life even more miserable, she caught a glimpse of the clock on her left wrist. "Oh, no...", she mumbled. "Carlos, get your gear on. We got to move."

Carlos looked more than a bit perplexed at Rebecca's statement. "Wha...what?"

"I'll explain on the way. Now, get your girly ass moving!"

* * *

"So, uh, where is everyone?" Leon and Claire had just entered the mall, and Leon was already starting to get a little impatient. More correctly, he was getting impatient because he knew the drill. Every year around this time it was the same. He and Claire would seem to be running a bit late, Claire would chew his ass off for sleeping so long, bitching about how everyone else were already at the mall. And when they would finally arrive after being stuck in traffic for the last hour, well, what do you know. They were the first at the scene. That was the reason why Leon never was in a hurry on mornings like these.

"Uhm, that's strange. They should be here. I told them 12pm", Claire mused, scratching her forehead.

Leon slapped himself mentally. This whole farce was really starting to get on his nerves."Well, I am certainly not standing here waiting for the rest of our dysfunctional group to arrive. I'm going to find myself some ne..." He was cut of by the sound of Claire's strict voice piercing the air.

"Leon, if you move so much as an inch, you will have to pleasure yourself tonight."

Leon quickly retraced his steps as the meaning of Claire's words dawned upon him. "Yes, dear", he sighed forcefully.


	2. the snow and the overprotective brother

Rebecca drew in the frosty outside scent of exhaust as cars and people sped by her in a blur. This particular scenery had so many memories, so much nostalgia.

She didn't understand why so many people loathed the stress, the constant pressure of finding the right gifts for the right people in time for Christmas night. To her, it felt nice to strive so much for the people she cared about.

Rebecca found herself spacing out, just as a middle-aged woman slammed into her shoulder. The woman turned around and gave Rebecca an ominous glare. "Watch it", she cried as she was disappearing into the mall. A lopsided smile formed on Rebecca's features.

Indeed it was Christmas time, and she wouldn't want to trade it for the world.

"Come on Carlos". Rebecca glanced over her shoulder to see Carlos Oliveira's full attention dedicated to building a snowman. His face wore a strange, affectionate smile which Rebecca thought made him look just like a little kid again. "I swear, he's just so immature sometimes", she thought to herself and felt a smile creep upon her lips. She decided to try her luck at getting Carlos' attention once again. "Carlos, we got to hurry. The others have probably been here for some time no..."

She didn't have time to finish her sentence. A huge ball of snow tore through the air, and found its way right into Rebecca's mouth. The snowball exploded and started to file down her throat causing her to choke, cough and spit for dear life.

Carlos, in turn, laughed so hard at the scene before him that he slipped on the frosty pavement and landed firmly on his butt. This, however, did not take a toll on Carlos' amusement. It only made him laugh even harder. After a good minute or so, Rebecca was finally successful at clearing her lungs of snow. She then turned to Carlos with a venomous glare, beaming with vengeance. Carlos, almost feeling the small stings of the phantom daggers, soon sensed danger. Looking up from the ground, he saw Rebecca bending down to retrieve a fistful of snow. "Oow, come on, Becky. It was all in good fun." he stuttered, clawing his way backwards.

"Oh, really?" Rebecca asked maliciously. "Then I guess you won't mind THIS!?" And just as she had uttered that last syllable, she lounged at him, using all of her weight to pin him down to the ground. Taking notice of the fact that her actions stunned Carlos for a second, she launched her ball of snow into Carlos' gasping mouth, making sure it dug deep down into his throat. As a direct result, Carlos spent the next two minutes coughing like there was no tomorrow, and Rebecca was lying flat down on the ground, kicking and screaming with genuine laughter.

When Rebecca found herself all out of breath, and her stomach hurting like a bitch, she decided it was time to pull the plug. Besides, several people had stopped and given them the weirdest looks.

So she got up, and started to brush the snow off her clothes. "Carlos, we'd better get moving."

Carlos peered up at her, his throat still a bit clogged with snow. A bit disappointed at Rebecca's statement, he reluctantly gave up on his grand masterplan of retribution of which he had just thought of, stood up and clasped his hands together to shake off the snow. "Pfft...You're such a buzzkill. Juuust when things were about to get interesting", he sulked and followed her into the mall.

"Yeah, right. I'd kick your ass any day of the week", she giggled as they entered the huge building.

* * *

"Leon, Claire", Jill yelled as she saw the pair of them, trying to drown out the buzzing noise which the huge crowd of people inside the mall was generating. 

"Excuse me, excuse me", she repeated over and over as she shoved past various people, trying to make a pathway to where Leon and Claire were standing. After quite the effort, she had finally managed to close the gap between them and herself.

Claire felt someone lightly tapping at her shoulder. "Jill", she exclaimed when she turned around to identify who was trying to get her attention, and gave the person in question a hug. "You are late", she said sternly when they both let go, causing Jill to cringe. "Yeah, about that...heh...I forgot where I had put my shopping list." Claire nodded, flashing a knowing smile. "Well, it's a good thing you're engaged to my brother then. He's a lifesaver when it comes to locating missing stuff. "

Jill laughed wholeheartedly. "He certainly is quite the boyscout. It's without a doubt his best quality...His only quality", she remarked and thumped Chris in the shoulder.

Chris smirked, his eyes beaming mischievously. "That's not true Jill. I'm also a great lover and I certainly know how to find your g-spo..."

Claire cut him off at that exact moment, covering her ears with her hands and screaming frantically. "I did not just hear that", she repeated, trying to block out the much too vivid images that made themselves known inside her head. But it was to no avail, as the damage had already been done.

"Why, Chris, why?", she complained. "I'm your sister for God's sakes!"

Leon just couldn't contain himself and burst out laughing. "Serves you right for threatening me with a sex-strike". This statement immediately caught Chris' attention, and the older man's stature went from laid-back to straight and serious. "What was that?", his voice boomed as his attention shifted to Leon. Immediately sensing Chris' hostile mood, Leon went right into a defensive mode.

"No...no...nothing..", he stuttered, nervously backing up. His spider-sense was now tingling like mad. He knew all to well that Chris was extremely overprotective of his sister. And to top it off, Chris had a very bad temper. Adding all this up, Leon knew he either better start praying or run for dear life. Not really being a man of faith, he decided on the latter. He turned around so fast his neck was nearly snapped in the process, and he broke into a mad dash into the crowded mall.

"Hey, wait", Chris yelled forcefully, as he watched the young man try to flee from his impending doom. "I'm not finished with you yet, Leon."

"Men!" Jill and Claire shouted in unison as they watched Chris give chase.


	3. Hide and seek

Claire and Jill had met up with Carlos and Rebecca, and now the four of them were searching the premises for any signs of Chris and a presumably critically wounded Leon.

"Oh God, where are those two", Claire cried out in frustration. They had been trying to find the two men for what seemed like an hour, and it was starting to kill their spirit. Besides, Claire wasn't really known for her patience.

Jill heaved a sigh. "Well, we have covered just about every inch of this place now, and we still haven't found them."

"Yeah, but we have to find them. I don't want my brother behind bars, and I certainly don't want another dead boyfriend", Claire complained loudly. The last part of her statement caught Jill's attention and she gave Claire a shocked glance, her mouth dropping. Claire looked at her for a moment, puzzled by the expression Jill's face wore, before she realized the reason for it. "Oh, for God's sakes Jill. I was talking about Steve." Claire thought for a moment, before she added solemnly; "At least that's how I think of him sometimes."

Jill could sense the sorrow in Claire's voice, and could feel the mood progressively darkening. Feeling rather uncomfortable, she decided to break the deafening silence that threatened the group. "Well, we can't have history repeat itself, can we?", she asked rhetorically. "You know what, why don't I go ask the security guards if I can be allowed to take a quick glance at the surveillance cameras. You know, to see if I'm able to spot Leon and your brother."

"That's actually an excellent idea", Rebecca chimed. She winked at the older woman. "You know, Jill. You're actually quite the brainiac sometimes."

Jill ruffled Rebecca's hair playfully. "Yah know, youngster. I probably get it from you."

Rebecca giggled and shoo'ed Jill away. "You better hurry, Jill, before your fiancéeèe is tried for murder."

Claire's eyes widened in shock. "That's cruel, Rebecca", she said sternly, punching her in the arm. "Ow! That hurt", Rebecca complained, grasping her shoulder. Jill took this as her cue to leave the two of them alone and look for Chris and Leon. She figured Carlos was there to meddle if things got out of hand.

"Where is the popcorn when you need it," Carlos exclaimed loudly enough for Jill to hear as she was making her way through the crowd. "Or maybe not", she muttered and smacked her forehead.

* * *

Leon Kennedy was all out of breath when he dove behind the mannequins inside the clothing store.

"That is the last time I say anything involving Claire in the immediate vicinity of Chris", he panted. He peeked his head forth slowly to see if Chris had managed to follow him. Surely enough, the older man had tracked Leon into the store, and was now intensively peering around for any signs of him.

Leon dove back behind the mannequins. "Shit", he cursed silently to himself. "Claire doesn't know how right she was when she said her brother is good at tracking down stuff."

Suddenly he heard Chris' deep voice echoing through the store. "Leon, I know you're in here", he barked. "Just come on out, and I promise it will be quick and painless."

Leon pondered his options for a moment, and just as he was about to surrender himself, he heard a familiar voice. "Well, I'll be damned. Chris, old partner. How are you doing?"

Leon rose slowly from behind his safehouse of mannequins. And surely enough, there stood Chris talking to his old friend, Barry Burton. At that moment, Leon realized he had been redeemed. Chris wouldn't hurt him now, not with Barry watching. The man was like a father to Chris.

* * *

"So how's the wife and kids?", Chris inquired, scratching his jaw. "Must've been a year since last time I saw them."

"Yeah, it's been a while indeed. Molly is graduating High School now, you know."

Chris' jaw dropped in surprise. "Really? Geez, time really does fly by."

Barry laughed at Chris' remark, but didn't have time to respond to it before Leon jumped into his arms and gave him a big, wet hug. "Thanks, Barry. You just saved my life." Barry gave Chris a confused look, to which Chris just gave a shrug.

"Hey, Leon. It's been a long time since I saw you. How are you and Claire doing?"

Leon could see in the corner of his eye that Barry's question made Chris' nostrils flare.

He bent down and whispered into Leon's ear. "You were lucky now, but it won't happen again. Now get out of my sight."

Leon let go of Barry, straightened himself up, and saluted Chris. "Yes, sir", he barked, then turned to Barry. "Sorry, Barry. Gotta scoot. Later", he announced and dashed out of the store as fast as he possibly could.

Barry was as confused as ever. "What was that all about? He sure is acting strange..."

* * *

Meanwhile, Claire had parted ways with Rebecca and Carlos. Her first priority right now was to locate Leon and her brother. This, however, did not seem to concern Rebecca and Carlos too much, seeing as they had entered the first gift shop they saw after Jill left them.

"Hmph. Unsympathetic bastards," Claire muttered under her breath. What actually annoyed her even more than them not really giving a shit about the crisis at hand, was the fact that those two were so into each other, but denied it every time the subject came up. She didn't know whether they were that stupid or if they just weren't ready to talk about their relationship yet. Regardless, she would really like to see them together. They would be the cutest couple.

Thinking about this made Claire smile a little. She felt a bit lighter now, and her worry for Chris and Leon seemed to disappear for some strange reason. As she rounded the corner, a silhouette bumped into her.

Claire's eyes widened. "Leon, you are alive", she exclaimed loudly. She looked him over. "And you're not hurt at all. Did you outrun my dear brother?" she giggled and punched him playfully in the arm.

Leon let a light chuckle escape his lips. "No, not really. Barry saved my ass".

"Barry's here?" Claire inquired, surprised to hear it. It was a long time since she had seen the old man, and would like nothing more right now than to see him again. It had been ages.

"Where are they now?"

Leon looked over his shoulder in the direction he had come running from. "They're probably still over at the clothing store, catching up on old times. This way, my lady", he gestured to Claire, and lead the way.


	4. Amateur porn

"So, Becky? How's that dress workin' out?" Carlos prompted slyly. He and Rebecca had been going out for a few weeks now, and it was going quite well. However, they had noticed a growing curiosity among their friends, and their demand for details had become increasingly intense. But Rebecca and himself had kept their mouth shut. They preferred it this way, a bit secret, a bit forbidden. And besides, it never failed to amuse them how much their friends were dying to know. But they had kept it to themselves, and they didn't plan on spilling the news just yet.

"Shut up, Carlos!" Rebecca exclaimed from the dressing room. "You don't care about how it looks on me. All you want to do is tear it of anyway".

"True that" Carlos chuckled puckishly. "Still, chica. I really want to see you in that dress. May I come inn, por favor?"

Rebecca couldn't help but giggle at his childish behavior. Which was probably one of the reasons she fell in love with him in the first place. "Adelante!" she uttered, putting on a thick, Spanish accent.

"All right.", Carlos mumbled happily and flung the door open. When his eyes landed on Rebecca's figure, his mouth dropped in awe. "Wow...Christmas eve sure came early this year."

* * *

Jill had just made her way into the security room. She had kindly asked one of the guards for permission to view the surveillance monitors of the premises. When they had promptly refused, she had flashed her S.T.A.R.S-badge. It was a good thing she never threw that away, but kept it for nostalgic reasons. She'd never dreamed it would actually come in handy one day. The poor guard. He probably didn't know what S.T.A.R.S was. If he knew, he would also have been aware of the fact that S.T.A.R.S had been dissolved ages ago. But the ID looked real enough, and professionally done, so he reluctantly agreed to let her watch the tapes.

"Wow", she uttered in awe as she entered the large, rectangular room. "You guys sure got a handle on things here." She let her gaze wander across the countless monitors that lit up the room. "Finding Chris and Leon on these sure is gonna be a bother".

She walked up to the closest monitors and looked closely, but she didn't recognize any of the silhouettes. Heaving a sigh, she moved on to the next one. When she reached the third set, something very interesting caught her eye. She almost burst out laughing the moment she realized what the monitor was showing.

* * *

"Mmh, Carlos, not here in the dressing room", Rebecca moaned, trying to sound stern, but failing miserably. Just then, she felt her cell phone starting to vibrate in her pocket. She broke away from Carlos' embrace. "Just a second. My phone is ringing."

"Hello", she spoke into the phone

A familiar voice sounded from the other end. "Why, hello there". It was Jill. "I see you two are having quite the time."

Rebecca blushed. "Wh..wh...what are you talking about?" she asked, a little flustered at Jill's sudden clairvoyance.

"Oh, come on now, Beccy. Don't you try it. You know full well what I'm talking about."

"Know what?" Rebecca asked, still trying to convince Jill that she was wrong in her insinuations.

"Becky, I can see you", Jill sing-sang. "You know, it's actually a bit like watching amateur porn."

At that comment, Rebecca cringed. "What do you mean, you can see us?" she stuttered, and started to look around.

"A bit higher up, Becky...Bingo!"

"WHAT!?" Rebecca yelled. You're watching us on the surveillance cameras.You pervert!"

"Takes one to know one, Becky", Jill giggled and hung up. Now she had proof to go with the gang's accusations of Rebecca and Carlos' mischiefs.

* * *

"Well, that was certainly embarrassing", Rebecca admitted. The whole gang had now met up, and were now giggling and laughing as Jill told of the dressing room incident. The color of Rebecca and Carlos' faces was rapidly turning into a deep red. "Well, that certainly made up for my near-death experience today", Leon chuckled and wiped a tear from his cheek.

"Yeah, yeah," Rebecca mused. "Very funny. I am very happy everyone got a good laugh on the behalf of Carlos and myself." Then she smiled impishly. "But did anyone actually find the time to buy anything?" Everyone froze. They had completely forgotten what they all came her for in the middle of all the ruckus. "Don't worry. We probably still have some time left. "

As if on cue, a female voice sounded over the mall's speakers. "We will be closing in ten minutes. I repeat, the mall will be closing in ten minutes."

"SHIT!!" everyone shouted in unison. "Well, guess we'll be taking another trip tomorrow", Chris chimed. "And hopefully, none of us will get distracted", he added and cast a malicious glance at Leon. "Yeah, let's go home and get some sleep. Tomorrow's gonna be a big day," Jill agreed.

And with that conclusion, everyone withdrew to their respective homes.

Claire made Chris promise he would try to control his temper a bit better. Leon promised himself he wouldn't put Claire and sex in the same sentence in front of Chris ever again. Claire promised she would be a bit nicer to Leon from here on after. Jill promised Rebecca to never stalk her and Carlos again. Carlos promised himself he would not try to out-drink Rebecca again. Rebecca promised herself she'd never fool around in a dressing room in the near future. And Barry promised himself he would go shopping with this dysfunctional "family" more often.

* * *

Author's note: Well, this fic is now complete, and with it, I've burst the bubble of my fanfic-writing virginity. It feels good, and it was probably much overdue. It's been a fun ride, and I hope you've enjoyed this story as much as I did writing it. Big thanks to all those that reviewed my story. It's much appreciated. I'll see you again soon. ;) 


End file.
